You call it Pre-Cana, I call it Marriage Prep….whatever you call it, I’m here to share today some thoughts on the required course for couples who plan to get married in the Catholic Church.
I’ll back up for a second. Mr. Turkey and I are getting married in the Catholic Church (not 100% sure I’ve shared that before).
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| This church, to be exact |
This was a decision we made together, with the influence of my parents, who are Catholic and raised me as such. To be honest, my parents’ preference would have been to have us get married in the church where I was baptized, had my first Holy Communion and was confirmed…but the 4.5 hour trip required to have the ceremony in upstate NY and the reception in Philadelphia probably wasn’t going to fly with our guests.
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| With my parents after baptism |
Within the Archdiocese of Philadelphia*, you have a few options for completing your required course: a weekend “retreat” (stay overnight somewhere), a commuter weekend (one evening, one full day) or several night classes. Due to our busy work and travel schedules, we opted for option #2, the commuter retreat. This meant a Friday night session (6-9pm) and most of the day Saturday (8:30am – 4pm).
We weren’t 100% sure what to expect from this weekend. Like many of you, I’m sure, we’d heard stories from other couples, but since they were in different cities or in different formats, we weren’t sure what would apply. We felt like we were flying a bit blind when we walked in Friday night.
So, since I love lists and have received good feedback on other posts with tips, I thought it might be helpful to share some Turkey reflections on the topic:
1. Don’t be scared.
Marriage prep is NOT intended to make you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed about your personal situation (living together, infrequent church-going, etc.). Many couples at our retreat mentioned they were worried about being 'quizzed', but no one asked us about any “specifics” except our names and where we were getting married.
Also, you’re not going to have to pull an all-nighter. Our experience did not include any “homework”. There were some group discussions that required reading passages or writing down answers, but that was mainly just for the share out. I don’t know if the assumption of “work” is common, but we had heard this and weren’t sure how it would get done between 9pm Friday and 8am Monday without lots and lots of Red Bull.
2. Enter with an open mind.
There are a lot of topics that come up throughout the weekend. Some you may agree with, some you may not. In addition, if you’re like us, there are bound to be subjects you haven’t discussed (or at least an element of them).
Now, it would be easy to ignore the topics during your “personal reflection time” and instead start talking about guest count or the NFL or dinner plans, but personally, we had some great conversations while on those breaks. I can’t say anything super relationship-changing came up in those discussions, but it was a chance for us to share our opinions and thoughts (and get some caffeine).
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| The cups' messages seemed to "work" with the weekend |
3. Participate.
I’ll be 100% honest with you. Mr. Turkey and I thought we’d be more on the listening than the talking side of the table for the weekend.
However, after some (brave) individuals broke the ice with their stories / opinions, it opened up the room. We were not those first movers, but we thank them for making everyone else feel more open to participating and sharing (including us).
4. Give feedback.
According to others who’ve taken earlier versions of the course, it seems as though the feedback is taken seriously and, where appropriate, applied.
There was a part of our weekend that we found to be a bit “off-base” as it related to the rest of the topics and both Mr. Turkey and I shared that on the feedback form. We thought of it as “paying it forward” for all those future brides and grooms to come!
5. Enjoy it!
Yes, a lot of the topics are serious, but ultimately, the retreat is a step towards your marriage (which is exciting!).
Instead of feeling “heavy” the entire time, we opted to enjoy the company of the other couples at our table and let the conversation stray (at times) into lighter topics. It gave the weekend a bit more balance, in our mind.
We’d also highly recommend celebrating once you’re done. After all, you’re one step closer to being Mr. and Mrs.! We opted for a delicious steak dinner and wine, but to each their own…
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| Displaying our certificate of completion (sidenote: am I tilted? could be the celebratory wine) |
Any words of wisdom that others can share about their pre cana / marriage prep course? Questions from those yet to complete theirs?
*Note: although the situation described may be identical / apply to other locations, I didn’t want to presume, so I’ll did my best to express that this entry was based on our experience.
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